All About Big

This is a special blog post. It's special because we're going to be talking about the most special thing in my life... My rescue cat sidekick, Big! Now I call him my sidekick for good reason. Things get pretty lonely when you're chronically ill, home most of the time, and out of school and work. Big tends to follow me around everywhere. I like it that way. I've always been an animal person, but my mother has not. I begged for a pet for years. About 17 or so actually. It seemed pretty hopeless. But somehow, someway, I convinced my mom to let me get a cat at the age of 20. I went to the SPCA with my grandmother to look at the cats. There was a litter of kittens and I thought they were all cute. 4 of them were all tabby and one of them was white and tabby. Right away my grandmother thought that the white and tabby one was the cutest. We went toward the cage and he lifted his chin against it wanting rubs. And when we rubbed his chin he closed his eyes in complete pleasure. I will never forget the day I took Big home. It was meant to be. 

Facts about Big:

- We adopted Big from the SPCA in November 2012. 

- He was 2 months old when we adopted him.

- His litter was found with their mother in a box on the street. 

- His foster dad kept calling him "Big guy" and that's how we gave him his name. It just suited him so much. He was so tiny. 

- We don't know his exact birthday so we estimated it September 1st, 2012. 

- In case you don't feel like doing the math, he's 3 years old now. 

- He has green eyes and his fur is tabby and white. I always thought he looked like a little white tiger when he was a kitten. 

- He is the biggest scaredy cat. Everything scares him. Sudden noises, vacuums, trucks driving by, tinfoil, balloons, certain strangers, the doorbell. Sometimes I really think the term scaredy cat could have been coined from him. 

- He loves his cuddles (but only from certain people). He especially loves his cuddles with me which obviously I love. He kneads my belly for ages and then plops down on my chest with his butt in my face and then eventually I turn him around! This is our daily routine. 

- He has a very dainty meow. It is not what I would call manly. It's very small and high pitched. I think it's pretty cute. 

- His favorite toys are ones he can pick up with his mouth and kick around like a soccer ball. Little pom poms, springs, and tiny little mice. 

- His nicknames are Biggie, Bigaloo, Bug, Big Bug, Buggy, Mr. Big and the list will surely go on. 

- At around 10pm is his time to go wild and gallop around the house like a horse. 

- He gets annoyed when I take pictures of him. How does he know?! I do it anyway. 

- He loves treats. Especially Party Mix.

- He has a blue bed that he sleeps in every night and a blue blanket that he lays on and grooms every night while we watch TV. 

- He loves playing rough. But he knows that he's playing and doesn't take out his claws. 

- He usually waits by the door when we get home. 

- Words I know he understands that he actually responds to: "dinner" "blue blanket time" "are you hungry" "treat" "come on",  and his name. I also think he knows "present". 

So now you know a little bit more about Big. I could talk about him all day because he makes me so happy. I wish you could all meet him but for now I will just continue to flood you with pictures. And let's be real, if you're not one of the lucky ones, he would probably run away. I hope you enjoyed this slightly different blog post. I definitely enjoyed writing it! 

Michelle 

My Top 10 Beauty Favorites

There is nothing easier for me to spend all of my money on (okay, except for maybe food..) than on makeup. I love testing out new things and playing around with things. I also spend more time than I'd like to admit on YouTube watching my favorite beauty gurus. Some of my favorite videos are of their favorite products, so without futher ado, in no particular order, here are mine:

 

1. BareMinerals Complexion Rescue Tinted Hydrating Gel Cream in Opal 01

 I don't really know what to call this. Is it a foundation, a CC cream, a tinted moisturizer? I don't know, and it doesn't really matter, because it really works for me. I am a very freckly girl. I don't just have a few freckles over the bridge of my nose, I have them all over my face. I am also extremely pale, some would probably say ghostly. With this combination I always found it very difficult to find a foundation that matched me well and didn't look completely unnatural. While my skin is very freckly, I am quite lucky not to have a lot of blemishes I need to cover. This has a sheer but very, very buildable coverage. It's beautifully dewy and lets my freckles peek through while smoothing my skin and making it look glowy. I've been using this since November and don't see myself switching anytime soon!

2. Benefit Hoola Bronzer

This is another product that I've been using religiously since November. Going back to the fact that I'm very pale, finding a bronzer that doesn't make me look orange is a challenge. I saw a lot of hype about Hoola prior to me buying it but it just looked to dark for me. On top of that it felt a bit pricey at the time. A specialist at Sephora tried it on me and that's all it took for me to fall in love with it. I didn't look orange and all of the sudden I didn't look like a ghost anymore. I truly believe that this bronzer probably looks good on everyone.

3. Covergirl Full Lash Bloom Mascara in Very Black 800

With my health not being terrific and my iron being low, I've dealt with a lot of hair loss. Unfortunately this has included my eyelashes. They've become very short, straight and more sparse. I am not going to lie, I am still on the hunt for the perfect mascara for lashes like mine. I seems like nothing can save my lashes. However, this mascara works the best on them. My cousin Jess recommended it to me and her eyelashes always look incredible. This mascara doesn't look as incredible on me as it does on her, but it definitely makes my lashes look less tiny and gives them some volume!

4. Kat Von D Tattoo Liner in Trooper

This has been my holy grail for about 3 years. I am a winged liner girl. I wear winged liner almost every day. It's just easy for me and gives the illusion of me having thicker lashes I find. This is by far my favorite liquid liner and I've gone through many of them!

5. Wet N' Wild Megalast Lip Color in Cherry Picking and Mauve Outta Here

These lipsticks are heaven sent in my opinion. They cost 3 dollars. 3 dollars! They're matte so they're slightly drying but I don't find them drying at all if I put a bit of lip balm under (I use EOS). Prior to this I always used M.A.C lipstick, but I just feel guilty buying expensive lipstick after discovering these! I always go back to them. Cherry Picking is a red-pink color and Mauve Outta Here is a pinky mauve color. Highly recommend.

6. Make Up For Ever Step 1 Skin Equalizing Primer in Redness Correcting

I actually bought this product very recently but I definitely love it. I have quite a bit of redness on my cheeks, on my nose, and around my nose. This green primer neutralizes the redness and does quite a good job at it if I say so myself! Really enjoying this product, even though it's pricey!

 

 

7. Laura Mercier Secret Brightening Powder

I tried several under eye powders before settling on this one. For some reason, being pale was a problem for me with translucent powders. After applying my concealer, when I applied the translucent powder it would somehow oxidize and darken it. Not what you want to get rid of dark under eye circles! So I was on a hunt for a translucent powder that wouldn't darken my under eye. I tried Make Up For Ever's translucent setting powder, I tried Besame's Vanilla powder, and I tried Laura Mercier's translucent powder, all to no avail. Then I read about the Secret Brightening Powder and though "Hey, this might work." And so far so good! I'm definitely enjoying this powder to set my under eye.  

8. Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed in Pearl

I ogled for ages at the Becca highlighters before purchasing one. They're so pricey and it was just a highlighter and did I really need it? The answer was yes, I really needed it. The most popular shade in this highlighter is Opal from what I've seen. However, after trying a few on in Sephora, I thought Pearl suited my skintone the best. I also wanted something that would be quite easy for me to apply considering I'm still learning my ways around makeup. I've been absolutely loving this, I think it's a pale girls dream!

9. Urban Decay All Nighter Long Lasting Makeup Setting Spray

Not much to say about this product, but it works. I ran out of it the other day and though that maybe I could go without it, but I quickly realized that I needed to repurchase it. 

10. The MakeUp Eraser

I wrote a huge post about the MakeUp Eraser on my Instagram months ago. I loved it then, and I still love it now. I was so skeptical before buying this thing. I could not wrap my head around a cloth and warm water actually removing all your makeup. I have very sensitive skin and makeup wipes irritate my eyes like crazy. They sting, they burn, and they make them red. So I decided to finally try this when I'd had enough and wanted something more gentle. I use this every day. When it's dirty I throw it in the wash. It takes off all my makeup with no problem at all and feels so nice and soft on my skin. I wish I purchased this earlier!

5 Wrong Things to Say to Someone With a Chronic Illness or Disability and Alternatives

When people find out you have a chronic illness, a comment usually quickly follows. Most of these comments are meant to be either complimentary or encouraging, but that might not be how they come across. Below are some of these comments that most people with a chronic illness or disability do not like hearing, and alternatives to them that you might like to say instead. Remember, "Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.". 


1. "But you're so young"
I can't believe I'm writing this, but an actual licensed doctor said this to me yesterday. How did I feel when she said this to me? Confused. This is someone who clearly should know that chronic illness doesn't discriminate. Autoimmune diseases especially tend to come in bunches. Yes, it can definitely be devastating to be ailing in the prime of your life. But saying this to a person makes no sense, and also has no value. 

Instead try: "I'm sorry you're going through this at such a tender age."  

2. "But you're so pretty'
Since when does something so trivial as looks come into this? This is as if because a persons genes caused their face or body to be aesthetically pleasing to you that they are immune from all illness or from any injuries. Now that would be nice, but it isn't the case. And what does this say? That it's fine if people who aren't aesthetically pleasing to your eyes has a chronic illness or disability? And that it's so much more upsetting when someone good looking is sick? This may be meant to be a compliment, but it is full of ignorance.

Instead try: Maybe just don't say this one, or tell the person they're pretty without relating it to their illness. 

3. "But you don't look sick"
Many illnesses are called 'invisible' for a reason; you can't see them! A person may look perfectly healthy but be fighting something life threatening. They also might be feeling completely awful but be doing everything they can to look their best. Their face may be caked in makeup to hide their pallor and dark circles. They may be putting on a huge smile that isn't quite genuine at the moment. They might have a port under their shirt that delivers life saving medications. This may be surprising to hear, but many sick people do not look sick. This doesn't mean they aren't!

Instead try: "I know you're probably not feeling well, but you look nice!"

4. "I wouldn't be able to live with that"
*cue the sarcasm* Well that's nice and very reassuring.  This is another thing that might be said as a compliment to our strength, but also has another meaning. That meaning is that our lives must be miserable. No one likes living with an illness or disability. It's definitely not a party. But not only can we adapt, we can thrive.

Instead try: "You seem like a pretty awesome person."

5. "I'm sure you'll be fine"
This is actually meant to be reassuring, but can be so false, and can also make it feel like you're trivializing the pain of the person you're speaking to. Not every chronic illness has a great prognosis, and not everyone will be fine. This also may not be helpful to someone who is unsure of their prognosis and what tomorrow might hold for them. Apart from that, this comment completely undervalues the extent of ones suffering. Don't get me wrong, optimism is great, but there are far better things to say that tells the person that you sympathize with what they're going through and that you understand that it's serious.

Instead try: "I hope you'll be okay and will be sending good thoughts your way."  

How to Survive Being in Diagnosis "limbo"

If you're reading this, maybe the title struck a chord with you. Maybe you're stuck in this gray area of "undiagnosis". And you're probably completely fed up- and you're right to be. Now before I dive in, I'll tell you that you may not share the same view on this as me, and that's okay. All I can do is hope this reaches someone at a time when they need it. 



My personal story is long and I won't go into too much detail, but after 3 and a half long years of searching for answers for my debilitating illness, the search is looking like it may be coming to an end. I recently found out I have a medication-induced movement disorder and endometriosis, and the relief that comes with answers is inexplicable. You feel validated. You feel like doctors understand your pain. You can look back on all those times you thought maybe it was just in your head and know that it's real. And the feeling of having no answers is the complete opposite. You feel unheard. You feel like no one believes you, and worst of all, you feel like you don't believe yourself. While I was undiagnosed I read many stories of people all around the world who went undiagnosed for years who finally got their answers. I never thought I would be one of them. I definitely felt like I was doomed and that I was going to be sentenced to a life with a body that had gone haywire for no reason. And then, out of nowhere, after one of the worst weeks of my life, answers came by complete fluke. An unfortunate series of events led to what felt like a miracle.



I'll share a few things that my friends told me that helped me through diagnosis "limbo":



1- Trust the universe. The universe has a funny way of working things out when you least expect it. I have a great friend who always reminded me of this throughout all of the turmoil that came with being undiagnosed. When you least expect it, maybe someone will walk into your life who will connect you to someone else who will be the answer to everything. Or maybe one of your millions of tests will finally be the one to reveal something. Gabrielle Bernstein, a motivational speaker, once said, "The universe is always working on our behalf, but not always on our time." And that leads me to my next point. 



2- Good things come to those who wait. Being patient is probably one of the hardest parts of being undiagnosed. Prior to getting answers, I saw a quote by Aristotle that read “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet”.  I don't know about you, but for me a good quote can really put things in perspective. Now this whole "patience" thing is way easier said than done. I know that. But you should be proud of yourself, because enduring all this waiting while you don't know why your body is failing you is excruciating. Being patient is excruciating. But hang in there, because answers WILL come.



3- Lastly, don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't choose this. No matter what the cause is, this is not something that you wanted for your life. You are not to blame for any of this. An illness is to blame, even if it doesn't yet have a name. Trust your body, and if you feel that something is wrong, be your own advocate without hesitation.

Michelle

The Beginning...

Hello reader,

My name is Michelle. And I guess this is my blog. Or what I hope is to become my happy place.

I've always said I like to write blog posts in the hopes that what I write resonates with someone who is going through something similar to what I've been through. Also, because I enjoy writing. It's a perfect outlet, and it makes my grandmother happy when I write. And keeping our grandmothers happy is a must.

So here I am. To learn a little more about me and my blog, I'll answer a couple of questions you may have.

What chronic illnesses do I have? I've had Type 1 diabetes since the age of 12. Since then I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease, Endometriosis, and a medication-induced movement disorder that causes ataxia, a tremor, and difficulty with walking. This took a long and painful 3 years to diagnose! I also fight a mood disorder and advocate for mental illness! But these things do not define me. They definitely put a struggle in my day to day life, but there's a reason I put the word 'triumph' in my header of this blog. Because that's what this is about; defying the odds.

What will I be writing about? I plan to write about my chronic illnesses, as I love to raise awareness, but I also plan on writing posts about coping with the trials and tribulations that come with these illnesses. This will include personal stories and tips and tricks. I will definitely be writing about my cat, Big, who is my true sidekick, as well as beauty products, pop culture, and general ramblings about life!

Thank you for coming on this blogging journey with me,

Michelle