Tuesday, November 19, 2019

“She’s in a wheelchair. How did she just stand up?”

I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user. What does that mean? I need my wheelchair, but I can also walk.

This might be confusing to people who see me and don’t know any ambulatory wheelchair users, and that’s understandable. Let me explain my own personal situation.

I have a progressive neuromuscular disease called Stiff Person Syndrome. This causes an array of symptoms like muscle spasms spanning the entire body, falls, and as you probably guessed, stiffness.

Why might you see me in my wheelchair? I need my wheelchair because my muscle stiffness gives me a strange way of walking, making it difficult, and going any sort of longer distance isn’t possible for me without it. It also prevents falls, should I have a muscle spasm. I can’t stand in one place for very long. For these reasons and more, there are a lot of things I wouldn’t be able to do if my chair weren’t around.

Why might you see me walking? Because I’m lucky enough to have things I can do without my wheelchair. Even if I have an awkward shuffle that people stare at, I’m able to walk into a restaurant. I‘m able to go into a small store if we’re not going to be long. I’m able to get up and take a photo. I‘m able to walk short distances. And when my treatment is working well? I can do even more.

So I’ve explained to you why I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user. But there are so many more reasons why people might need a wheelchair even if they’re not stuck in it.

Maybe it’s a matter of safety. Maybe they have bad lungs and struggle to breathe. Maybe it’s a matter of weakness due to an invisible illness. Maybe it’s a matter of managing chronic pain. Maybe it’s a matter of neurological issues, like balance and coordination.

Many ambulatory wheelchair users are SCARED to get up. They’re scared of being judged, and they’re scared that one day someone will snicker and say, “She’s walking! It’s a miracle!” Because so many people don’t know the long list of reasons that someone might be in a wheelchair.

So I hope this reaches someone who maybe didn’t know why some wheelchair users can walk. All we can do is help educate those who are open to learning! And a big thank you to those who are always willing and wanting to learn.

Saturday, November 16, 2019

The Diabetes Blame Game

Diabetes might win a million little battles against me each day. But I will always come up on top of it.

Diabetes is a disease full of self-blame. The mentality is that YOU overgave your insulin. YOU underestimated or overestimated the carbs in what you ate. YOU overtreated your low. And it’s an awful mental spiral, that makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong.

The truth is is that DIABETES made your blood sugar high. DIABETES made your blood sugar low. DIABETES is the reason you have to count carbs in the first place. DIABETES is the unpredictable factor that makes it so that you can do the same thing one day and have perfect results, and do the same thing the next and be on a rollercoaster.

To all my fellow T1Ds, let me remind you, in case you forgot. You are living with a disease where things can change at the drop of a hat. You are living with a disease that has a mind of its own. You are living with a disease where you are forced to make decisions so many more times than any human should have to every day to keep yourself alive. And you’re here. You’re alive. You’re doing it, even if it feels sometimes like you can’t do it. Here you are. So yeah, Diabetes might win a lot of times during the day. But as many times as it has almost knocked you down, every single day, you’re still standing. So you’re the real winner here.

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Friends For Life Canada 2019

If you’ve read my blog, you know about my undying love for the Friends For Life Orlando conference. This weekend I attended the 2nd ever Friends For Life Canada. And as you can imagine, my love hasn’t changed.

For those of you who haven’t read about Friends For Life yet, it’s a conference for people with Type 1 Diabetes and their loved ones that is put on by Children with Diabetes. In Canada, it’s also put on by Connected in Motion. The colours green and orange never mean more than they do here. Green bracelets are designated for people living with Type 1, and orange bracelets are worn by those who love somebody with Type 1.

My mom and I (green bracelets) with Jess and my dad (orange bracelets).

This year the conference was special to me for two reasons. The first is that last year we were meant to attend, but I ended up in the hospital. My health got in the way, as it does sometimes. So I was super thankful that this year it didn’t get in the way and I actually got there! The second reason being that my cousin Jess, who is probably the person closest to me in my life, found out she could join us last minute. Having her there and watching her have fun learning even more about Type 1 than what she already knows from watching me, was such a sweet experience. She is the best supporter and my sister in life, and I’m so glad I got to do this with her.

Me (left) and Jess (right)

Friends For Life Canada is much smaller than the Orlando conference. Just over 500 people, compared to just over 2000 people. So that had its pros and cons. A big pro being that it’s much more intimate. Another pro being that you’re meeting a ton of amazing people who live closer to you! So hangouts over the year are even more possible.

The conference started with a room full of people and a truly moving keynote speech by George Canyon. George is a country singer, as well as a part of the Canadian Armed Forces and a pilot. He has been tirelessly advocating for Type 1 diabetics to be able to have more rights to fly planes, and as you can see in the news lately, it has paid off. This man is truly one of a kind, and he captivated the room with his life story, teaching all the kids there that they can be anything they want to be and do anything they want to do with Type 1 Diabetes.

The audience during George Canyon's keynote.
With George Canyon and Laura Billetdeaux.

That Friday night, Niagara Falls were lit blue for Diabetes awareness in honour of Friends For Life. It was so special to look out the hotel room and see one of the wonders of the world representing us.

Niagara Falls lit blue for diabetes awareness.

Now onto a slightly less serious topic, but very important - food. I can never write about my Friends For Life experience without talking about the food. So thankful to the team from Children With Diabetes who work for hours upon hours on figuring out the carb counts for all the food they serve. Because of them, the people with Type 1, and all the parents of the younger Type 1 kids can have a break from the exhausting task it is to constantly be carb counting at every meal. It seems like a small thing, but it is such a nice little mental break that we don’t realize we need until we get it.

The sessions I attended that stood out to me were Body Positivity & T1D by Dr. Deanna Paolantonio, and Advocacy & T1D by Kimberley Hanson of Diabetes Canada. I wanted to share the following photo I took during Kimberley’s session, which details what we have successfully fought for people with Type 1 in Canada to be allowed to do, and what we’re still fighting for.

Slide from Kimberley Hanson's session.

 We’ve come a long way, but we still have a ways to go! But I just wanted to share my gratitude to those who are fighting for our rights, and especially thank Diabetes Canada for all they do.

I also have to write about my own session, which I had the honour of presenting with my friend, Michelle Lord. Early Sunday morning we presented our talk; Diabetes Online Community: Making connections in the T1D digital world. We had a great time talking about the positives of social media, and how powerful it can be in bringing us together. You might be able to catch a little bit of it on her YouTube channel, which is quite amazing if I say so myself.

Unfortunately, we had to leave a tiny bit early from the closing keynote by Banting House curator Grant Maltman. I say unfortunately, because we did get to see most of it, and what we saw was so insanely captivating. So much so that I wish that the entire world could hear what he had to say. We learned about the discovery of insulin, back to times way before the beloved Banting and Best, and what diabetes was like in the world before it even had a name. I hope I get to see him tell this story again in the future! It really is a mind blowing story and he tells it so well.

Banting on the cover of Time magazine.

I left Friends For Life Canada feeling that amazing sense of community that lights me up every summer in Orlando. I already miss the fruit punch that is always served, but more importantly, I miss seeing green and orange bracelets everywhere I look and knowing that I was among people who just get it. The feeling of giving myself an injection in the middle of a room and not wondering what people around me are thinking about it... not feeling like I’m doing something out of the ordinary, never fails to take my breath away. Knowing that everywhere you turn is a family who has been through that fateful diagnosis day, and is now doing their best to get through every day with this disease, is as comforting as being wrapped in a blanket. Friends For Life feels like freedom. From from the confines of social stigma, from the isolation that Type 1 Diabetes can bring, and free from any feeling of being different. True, pure, happy freedom.

Thank you Connected in Motion and Children With Diabetes for an amazing weekend that I won’t forget anytime soon.

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

My T1D Diagnosis Story

I don’t talk about my diagnosis story much because it’s a little different. It’s not very dramatic. But I guess everyone’s story is a little unique.

My mom has had Type 1 Diabetes since she was 8. I spent my whole childhood with diabetes in my house. I was familiar with most of the things diabetes entails. I loved when I went on walks with my mom and her blood sugar would go low (that sounds bad in retrospect) and she would pull out her glucose tabs and offer me half of one. I thought it was the best tasting thing... how times have changed! Haha.

Fast forward to age 11. I knew my mom occasionally peed on these sticks in the bathroom (what I know now are KetoStix) and I decided one day that I wanted to try it and see what colour I’d get. After, I called my mom to the bathroom and innocently said, “Mom, what does this mean?” Her response was to do a double take and make me do it again to make sure it was right. And then she told me not to worry about it.

I can’t imagine what my mom went through. When she was pregnant with me, she was told there would be a 5% chance I’d end up having Type 1 Diabetes. This must have swept the rug from under her. Because I imagine that happening with my future child, and it’s like a pit in my stomach. Because you don’t want this life for your kid.

She called my pediatrician, who told her to to call the diabetic clinic at the Montreal Children’s Hospital, and gave her the number. After explaining the story, my future pediatric endocrinologist called her back. He told her what she didn’t want to hear; I would likely be Type 1 Diabetic. And she asked him if there was anything she could do to stop it, to which he said no. She was told to check my blood sugars periodically, and she did.

I don’t remember too much from that year, apart from having to test my blood sugar every once in a while. Which was like torture to me at the time. My parents decided that I didn’t need the stress of knowing I was going to become diabetic, so they didn’t tell me. But I think a part of me knew. But at the time, I was just a kid focused on the moment and the only thing that bothered me was having to test my blood sugar.. and maybe the thought of doing that all the time like my mom freaked me out a bit.

Now I was 12. My mom was still in continuous communication with the pediatric endocrinologist. I was more clued in, and the waiting game was coming to an end. Talks of me starting insulin finally started. To me at the time, having diabetes wasn’t real until I started to have to take insulin. I mean, it makes sense now. Having diabetes would be easy to ignore if you weren’t having bad symptoms and you didn’t have any work to do.

This stupid part will always stand out to me. Obviously I didn’t want to take needles. I didn’t want to “start having diabetes” and I was scared, but my parents told me that if we go to the doctor and it’s bad news, I can get a cell phone. My first cell phone. And thank you mom and dad, because that was a great distraction, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

We went to the appointment, and I remember my heart racing. It was bad news. I was “finally diabetic”. And I thought, “Okay... That sucks.. but I guess I’m getting a cell phone.” And my mind started to picture what cell phone I would get and what my ringtone would be. And then they told me that I was meeting with the Diabetes Educator and starting insulin injections right then and there. I thought I’d at least have time in between this appointment and then? But I listened and I gave my first injection, and learned how to do the rest. And I remember that room clear as day. I remember the scary things they taught me to do. I remember the realization that I’d have to do these things all the time now.

And so that’s my diagnosis story. I don’t tell it often.. maybe because I feel like it’s weird in some way. It doesn’t sound like other peoples’ diagnosis stories. But that’s okay, because it’s the truth, and it’s mine, and it happened to me. Plus, life is weird anyway, isn’t it?

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Dexcom G6 Is The Plot Twist I Didn’t Know I Needed

Hi, I’m Michelle, and I use the Dexcom G6. Wow, that makes me excited to say.

Now, I’ve been flying blind in regards to my blood sugars for quite a long time now. I’ve had reactions to adhesives and haven’t been able to wear a CGM, which has been a bummer. I’ve gotten along, but it’s still been a bummer.

So when the Dexcom G6 became available in Canada, I was skeptical that my skin would react kindly to it, but I was excited to have the chance to try it nonetheless.

And then it was time to get started.
I got my transmitter and sensor in the mail, and jumped right into it. I downloaded the G6 app and followed the instructions there to insert it for the first time. The newly designed applicator is almost futuristic looking and a little intimidating because it seems big, but it was so simple to use, and more importantly, pretty much painless!

Listen, pain is all relative. I would say I have a medium pain tolerance. And inserting it just felt like a flick on my skin. And then I looked down, and just like that, I was wearing a Dexcom sensor! I had so many friends who wore a Dexcom and seeing it on myself was pretty surreal.

To the most pleasant of pleasant surprises, my skin behaved! I had no reaction to the adhesive. No itching, no redness. This was so exciting because I really expected to have some sort of reaction. But it was super comfortable on my skin, and has been ever since.

Now let’s talk about how my diabetes life has changed since wearing Dex.

My biggest worries prior to wearing Dexcom G6:

- going low
- having given myself too much insulin

So having this technology, I was really excited about certain things I expected from it. Mainly, I was excited about not having to worry so much about my lows, and actually be able to prevent them.

But my Dexcom gave me some happy surprises that I didn’t expect. I found myself having less severe highs, because they got caught way earlier than when I used to realize I was high. I was so busy worrying about my lows that I never realized how high I used to go, and that I had a chance to catch it before it got that high!

Needless to say, my endocrinologist will be thrilled and I’m incredibly optimistic about my next hbA1C.

Some of my favorite new features of the G6 that I need to mention:

-No fingersticks or calibration are needed unless readings aren’t matching up with your symptoms. Which is a dream come true!

-The transmitter is so much more sleek and flat than it used to be. It’s aesthetically pleasing and there’s less chance of knocking it on things.

-It’ll alert you up to 20 minutes before an urgent low. And as I’ve said previously, as someone with a fear of lows, this is huge!

-Unlike the G5, you can take Tylenol and it won’t affect the readings. This is actually really important to me because I tend to take a lot of Tylenol for my aches and pains, and I can’t take Advil due to certain medications I’m on.

All in all..
What can I say? Diabetes is a disease that naturally makes you feel out of control. Because so many things affect blood sugar, and as much as you try to get off that rollercoaster of highs and lows, it is so hard to get a grip on. The Dexcom G6 has helped me feel like I actually have some control. Though Diabetes will always have a mind of its own, now I’m not wearing a blindfold. And that’s the best gift I could ask for.

Disclosure:  I received my Dexcom G6 as part of the PR launch once it was announced to be available in Canada. All views and opinions are my own.

Monday, August 26, 2019

Know That "Disability" Isn't a Bad Word

It’s time to teach the world that “disability” is not a bad word.

What is a disability? Look at it like this. A disability is something that makes a person require extra resources in different circumstances. Simple as that.

Ever since we’re young, we’re taught that disability is something we don’t want to be associated with. We’re taught that it’s a bad thing that happens to people, or that people are born with, and we have pity for people with disabilities. We’re taught that people with disabilities are suffering in some way.

Because of this, prior to my other illnesses, when I had Type 1 Diabetes and Type 1 alone, I shrugged it off. I never considered myself to have a disability. I definitely didn’t want to be associated with the word. No. I was normal. I just happened to have diabetes on the side. And while yes this is true... I didn’t realize that all disabled people are normal. They all just happen to have something on the side.

Even when I was in college dealing with anxiety and depression and I was offered extra help getting through my courses, I felt odd and out of place going to the disability office to get things set up. I didn’t feel like I belonged there. I didn’t feel like I was disabled. The word turned me off. For no reason other than that was how I was conditioned to feel. That’s the mentality I grew up with.

Now, as an adult with more prominent disabilities, I know that having a disability isn’t the end of the world. It’s not something I need to hide. And it’s not something I “suffer” from. It simply explains that parts of my body work differently than other people’s to do everyday things.

So many people need to learn that disability is not a bad word. People with “mild” disabilities who don’t even know they have a disability. Able-bodied people who think having a disability is some sort of disaster.

Growing up, children need to know that having a disability is NOT a bad thing. It’s not something to be ashamed of. No child or teen should ever feel embarrassed to use resources available to them that are offered at places like school just because the word disability is associated with it. 

Language matters, people!

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Something Cool Happened...

Myabetic is holding their first ever Diabetes Awards. This comes complete with an awards show in Hollywood, many cool categories, and a discount on bags for those who vote!

The crazy part? This lil ol’ blog of mine was nominated for Blog of the Year! Thank you to all of you readers who have allowed me to write my feelings away, and stuck around for the ride.

It’s so surreal to be sitting up there among so many amazing people who I look up to. I highly recommend you check out some of their blogs, or their Instagrams!

If you’re so inclined to vote, it’s super easy! It doesn’t require any registration of any kind. Just vote for all the categories to complete your entry. And you can vote as many times as you’d like. Thank you in advance to anyone who takes a minute out of their day to help out. We’re going to California!

VOTE HERE: https://www.myabetic.com/pages/poll

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Could The T1D Community Have Done Better with Doreen?

If you dabble in the Diabetes community, online or elsewhere, you’ve probably heard of the whole Doreen debacle that happened this month. If not, I’ll try to explain as we go on. This topic came up in our social media panel at the Friends For Life conference by Children with Diabetes, and I instantly knew I wanted to expand on it.

Doreen is a woman who made a public comment on a South Florida food Facebook discussion page (click here to see comment) about her disgust at a man giving himself an injection and testing his blood sugar in a restaurant. Well, someone with T1D, or someone close to someone with T1D, saw it, shared it and it quickly went viral, sparking outrage among the DOC (Diabetes Online Community).

It blew up to the point that you’d see the controversy at every turn you’d make in online diabetes spaces. From angry letters, to memes, to people calling for her job, there was really no way to avoid hearing about the topic.

There is something beautiful about the Type 1 community. And that’s the fact that we tend to have a “You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us” mentality. We don’t let our fellow Type 1s get pushed around in any way, and if someone does something hurtful to people with T1D, no matter how big or small, it tends to cause a ripple effect throughout the community. And although it’s powerful and supportive, the way we can come together... it can also be scary.

If you’ve been in our shoes, maybe you’d know why we get so defensive. It’s hard to live with a disease that is so heavily stigmatized. For example, it seems that we’ve already moved on from Doreen as a billboard went up in Philedalphia that says “Today’s afternoon snack could be tomorrow’s diabetes.” This is such a tiny example of perceptions we have to deal with. It’s not fair in any way, and we feel a need to try to squash the stigma to anyone who will listen. Because we know how serious this disease is. We know that our fellow fighters are dying trying to take care of themselves. We know that in no way did anything we ate contribute to us being diagnosed, just that our immune systems decided to go on the attack and rob us of our ability to produce insulin (which we need to live). We know that there are innocent little kiddos being diagnosed every day, scared to death of the poking and prodding they need to endure every day to stay alive. We know better.

But a lot of people don’t. Doreen didn’t know better. Does that excuse her very rude and disgusting comment that she felt the need to make? No way! But we need to think about how we approach people like Doreen.

We came at her hard. Some people sent educational letters her way. People explained why that man was giving his injection, and why he should have the freedom to inject wherever he wants. And that is great. A large portion of the community did a wonderful job expressing to her the reasons why she was wrong, and why what she said was hurtful.

On the other hand, she is a journalist, and there were tons of people writing in to her employer calling for her job. People were harassing her family, wishing a diabetic coma on her, etc. Some were even threatening her life. And is this really how we want to represent our community, that we know is so special? Is this how we want to be seen? As an angry mob will ill intentions? As attackers instead of peace makers? As bitter people with a vendetta instead of people who really just want to be understood?

There is no doubt Doreen learned her lesson, and learned the hard way. Which some might still believe she deserved. But maybe next time we can do better. Because no doubt, there will be a next time. The fight for the world to understand Type 1 Diabetes is ongoing and our voices are important. But how we use them matters.

If we want to be respected, and if we want our voices to be respected, we need to do our best not to sound like a rabid, angry mob. We are a community filled with intelligent, passionate advocates, and we don’t need to use threats, name-calling, or fear tactics to get our point across. We are so much smarter, and so much more creative than that. Instead, like I truly believe the majority of the community did, we need to use education, and maybe even a little compassion, even to those who aren’t showing compassion to us. Because some people really don’t know any better. And it is in our power to change that. But if we’re being real, it is hard to sympathize with an angry mob.

So yes, it’s infuriating that this woman used the word “gross” to describe what we have to do every day to keep ourselves alive. It’s maddening, and the first we hear about it, it makes us want to snap. But when we take a moment to think about what makes the Type 1 community so great, and what makes it special... that’s what we need to hang onto when we react. We need to remember that just like we’re human, so are these people. People make mistakes, some far worse than others, but with help, people learn. There is no doubt that Doreen will probably be afraid every time she’s in public and sees someone with a Dexcom or an insulin pump. And I just don’t think that’s what our goal really was. We don’t want to be scary. We just want to be understood.

Monday, July 22, 2019

Friends For Life Orlando 2019

FFL green and orange wristband art by mom.

I’ll start off my blog post with the caption I wrote on my Instagram post this morning.

“Friends For Life feels like coming back home every summer and getting to see your family from far away after a long time apart. Giant family reunion. These people have such a special place in my heart and I’ve felt surrounded by so much love the last few days. And getting to meet new friends, and friends I’ve been talking to online for ages was so exciting. @cwdiabetes gives us the biggest gift of all and I will be thankful for them forever. I’ll get some more thoughts together for a blog post but for now, I’m leaving FFL with my eyes teary but my heart full 💚”

For those of you reading this who are hearing about Friends For Life for the first time, it’s a conference put on by Children With Diabetes. I’m talking about the Orlando one, which is absolutely HUGE, with over 2000 people, all who either have Type 1 (we wear green wristbands) or love someone with Type 1 (they wear orange wristbands). There are such fun programs for kids, tweens, and teens with amazing staff, and all kinds of sessions for the adults during the day. Some examples of the variety of sessions this year: “Diabetes Technology Update”, “Language Matters”, “How to DIY Loop”, “Avoiding and Overcoming Diabetes Burnout”... There are so many great sessions going on that it’s a challenge to choose which one to go to in each time slot!

This year, because of the bad timing of my open heart surgery, we didn’t think we’d make it to Friends for Life at all. Well, in the best plot twist, we did! We got there late. And 30 minutes before the session where I was going to speak on a panel! Just in the knick of time.

I had the pleasure of being on a panel discussing “Finding Your Tribe: Support & Knowledge in Social Media” with some of my favourite people; Kerri Sparling, Scott Johnson, Mary Lucas, and Cherise Shockley. We talked about all things from Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and blogs, to Doreen, hashtags, the evolution of our online community. It was a really cool discussion and I’m planning on writing a more detailed post about it, so keep your eyes peeled.

Sitting on the panel with Cherise and Mary.

There is a team at Friends for Life that works really hard on figuring out what meals they’re going to serve us, and figuring out the nutrition facts of every single item so they can lay out how many carbs are in each thing and no one has to figure it out for themselves! It’s great for us adults, but also so nice for all the T1D parents who have to do all the carb counting for their kids! No guessing games. I think seeing the carb counts on the buffet is something every family there gets giddy about. All thanks to the nutrition team.

Then we have the exhibit hall, where different diabetes companies, organizations, research teams, and shops set up at booths. And let me tell you, it’s HUGE. There are also so many fun activities for the kids. From claw machines where you could win fun prizes at the Dexcom booth, to face painting, Mickey ear decorating, snow cone stations, ... half the fun is seeing all the kids running around having the time of their lives! Some of the bigger booths were companies Dexcom, Lilly, Omnipod, Tandem, Novo Nordisk. Then we had some amazing organizations there like Beyond Type 1, Diabulimia Helpline, and Padre Foundation, who are doing such important work! I was especially happy to see the Diabulimia Helpline booth, a booth dedicated to mental health, which was something new there and something that I think so many people need but are quiet about needing. Then of course we had our fun shops like Myabetic, A Tad Too Sweet, Pump Peelz, and Sugar Medical. Honestly, this is just a very tiny peek into what that exhibit hall holds. I wish I could name every booth that was in there because there were some really interesting things!

As you can tell, with all these things going on, everyone is running around trying to get somewhere all the time! So it’s so nice to have parties at night where we can all just let loose and have fun together, spend quality time, and of course eat good food. This year we had a family fun beach party, an adult party of the decades, family movie night, and of course the banquet which was a ball this year for the 20th anniversary. Fancy dresses and suits everywhere!

But what is at the core of this conference, what is in its essence, is love. It’s unconditional understanding of one another. It’s joy everywhere you look. It’s treating everyone there as if they were part of your own family. Because no T1D family leaves another T1D on their own. It’s tears of joy, and tears of relief, because you’re finally among a sea of people who understand your struggle. It’s feelings of pride, looking around you in awe seeing all these amazing and special people, and realizing that you’re one of them too.

Friends For Life is a gift that keeps on giving. Because the friendships and bonds formed last far longer than imaginable, and the lessons you take with you will stay with you for the rest of your life and maybe even change the way you live.

It’s so much more than just a conference. In a sea of green and orange bracelets, you will find a home.

Until next year, FFL Orlando. 

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Back From My Unintentional Break

Hi all,

It feels good to be back! On May 31st, I had emergency open heart surgery to remove a large blood clot from my right atrium. I'll definitely write about it but it's taking me a long time to get those words together. And well, it's quite the long story.  So that kind of knocked me off my feet for a while. But I'm back with what I feel like is a whole new perspective on life in general.

I wrote this in my Notes app in my phone a couple of weeks after surgery; "Something about having emergency open heart surgery makes you come to a screeching halt to re-evaluate your life."

I feel like it's impossible to go through something like that and not feel changed in some way. I'm not sure exactly how I'm changed, but I knew as soon as I was coherent enough after my surgery that life would not be the same from here on out. I was going to leave anything I was doing that was causing any stress or unhappiness in the past. I was going to live with purpose. I was going to be a better human. I was going to be a better friend.

Where am I now? Still trying to figure this all out. I've definitely taken a step back from some aspects of social media that I feel were unhealthy for me. What purpose am I living with? Haven't quite nailed that down yet. But I know I will, and it feels like I didn't get through all that just to merely "survive" through life, I got through it so I could LIVE. How am I going to be a better human? I think that we can all always try to be a better human. That growth is never ending. And as long as you acknowledge that you have room to grow and are willing to open up your mind and learn, you'll always have space to become a better human. So that goal is never ending, but I am definitely actively thinking about it more. How am I going to be a better friend? I haven't done as much of this as I would have liked to by now. Recovery has been slow and I feel like I've been an absent friend, far too quiet, which I felt like I was before too. I want to muster up the energy that I don't feel like I have, and be a friend who checks in. A friend who reminds the people close to me how special they are. A friend who lifts them up.

So, that is where my head is at. Actually, it's just a really small part of where my head is at, because let me tell you, it's EVERYWHERE. I have so much to figure out, but the good news is... I have time :)

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Life With Diabetes Is a Seesaw

You’re on a seesaw. And somehow, you have to keep it straight. All. The. Time. Let it go too far one way, and you’re facing your own mortality. Let it go too far the other way, and you’re staring death in the eyes. But there’s a catch. You can’t get off the seesaw. You’re glued to the seesaw. Even if you get exhausted from the energy it’s taking to keep it straight and you feel like you can’t do it anymore, you can’t get off the seesaw. This is life with Type 1 Diabetes.

Above we’ve got a picture of two items; the two life-savers of Type 1 Diabetes. Each of these items is crucial in surviving Type 1 Diabetes. Blood sugar too high? Insulin. Blood sugar too low? Sugar/Carbs. And if we didn’t have either? Well then we wouldn’t be here to tell you about it!

Imagine each of these on a scale trying to balance each other out. That’s pretty much a day in the life of diabetes. Life is constantly trying to regulate your blood sugar with these two things. And there is no science to it. Because your blood sugar WILL go too high. It’s inevitable. And when it does, you need to give yourself some insulin. Insulin is liquid gold to us because before the invention of insulin, Type 1 Diabetes was a death sentence. Juice or other sugary things, aren’t as hard to come by. But! Are essentially equally as important. Because it’s impossible to calculate the right dose of insulin all the time. Sometimes there is no science to it, no rhyme or reason, and no matter how hard you try to give the perfect amount, it’s not possible. So if you don’t give the right amount one of two things happen. One being, your blood sugar goes low because you gave yourself too much. Second being, your blood sugar stays high or goes high because you didn’t give yourself enough. And at that point, you go back to the drawing board- insulin or juice.

So we use insulin and carbs to try to balance our seesaw. And it takes perseverance! Because there is no way to avoid getting tired of trying to maintain this balance... even the strongest of the strong would get tired! And this balance is impossible to perfectly maintain. It’s tiring and it’s exhausting, but people with Type 1 don’t have a choice. We are seesaw masters. It’s a talent, really. So be proud of your seesaw. Your seesaw is beautifully imperfect, but so much blood, sweat, and tears have gone into your seesaw. Your seesaw is built on strength.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Vial Safe Insulin Protectors

A few weeks ago I posted on my Instagram about a broken bottle of Lantus. I talked about how I’ve dropped my insulin bottles so many times and they’ve never broken on our wood floor, but that day I wasn’t so lucky. I knocked over my case with my insulin and syringes in it and my Lantus rolled off the table onto the floor. I picked it up and put it back in my case like I usually do. Until I realized that the whole kitchen was starting to smell like insulin. Low and behold my bottle was broken! After that I said that I think the feeling of breaking an insulin bottle is the diabetic adult equivalent of dropping your ice cream on the floor as a child. Or losing a balloon.

So after I posted about it, I got an influx of comments... where a slew of people were telling me the exact same thing; that I needed to get a Vial Safe ! I was obviously late to a party I didn’t know about. But I was a bit skeptical. I wasn’t sure how an insulin bottle cover could be so exciting?

This past Monday my Vial Safe came in the mail. They were super easy to put on, and they came in different sizes for my Humalog and my Lantus! They came just in time, because I was headed on a trip. So I got to test them out while traveling, and I can safely say I fell in love. For more reasons than it’s purpose which is no more broken bottles! One of which is that I love the grip it gives me when I’m filling my syringes. I didn’t even realize how slippy and slidy it felt until I filled it with one of these on. Game changer.


I highly recommend Vial Safe, just like all the people who felt compelled to recommend it to me! Why even risk the possibility of breaking a bottle of life-saving liquid gold? No thank you!

If you’re so inclined to grab one for yourself, you can find them HERE. Use the code Michelle20 to save 20%.

Monday, February 4, 2019

The Very Real Fear of Lows

1. An excessive fear of low blood sugars in a person with diabetes. This may cause them to do questionable things to avoid letting their blood sugar go low.
Example: Michelle’s blood sugar was perfect before going to bed, but her low-phobia kicked in so she ate unnecessarily to raise her blood sugar.

Okay, I admit it. My name is Michelle and I’m a low-phobic. I have an uncontrollable fear of my blood sugar being low. Why, you ask? Well, like most phobias, it doesn’t always have a clear answer. Could it be because I hate the shaky feeling I get as my blood sugar starts to dip? That I can’t stand the weakness I feel when my numbers teeter down? I don’t know. But for some reason, when I see my numbers trending down, I automatically feel the need to correct it. Even if admittedly, it might not really need correcting. At all. So I say ‘oops’. Over and over again... and never quite learn my lesson.

So what are some things I do because of my fear of going low? Well, I don’t go to bed unless my blood sugar is over a certain number. I run my blood sugars higher than average on purpose so that I don’t come close to going low. If the worst happens, and my blood sugar does go low, I eat just about everything in sight. I don’t have it in me to eat 15 fast-acting carbs and then wait 15 minutes and “wait and see” if it went up enough like we’re supposed to. Nope. If it was in edible and in sight 5 minutes ago, it is now in my stomach.

And sometimes this is where a rollercoaster begins. A yo-yo, so to speak. Because I overtreated my low, my blood sugar goes really high. So I frantically give myself insulin to fix the damage and bring it down. But then... I start teetering toward that uncomfortable level again that is just a little too low for my liking. So I think to myself that I better eat something to prevent it from really going low again. But alas... I didn’t need to eat anything. And high my blood sugar goes once again.

So that is the day in the life of someone with a word I’ve completely made up, ‘low-phobia’.

Do you relate to this? Do you suffer from low-phobia? What are your tricks to fight the fear? I’d love to hear.

Monday, January 21, 2019

To Anyone Going Through Diabetes Burnout...

What is “diabetes burnout”? Burnout is something that occurs when you feel like you just don’t have it in you to do all the little things that diabetes requires to take care of yourself. We have to remember, Diabetes is an all-encompassing illness. It affects every part of every day and there are consequences if you get distracted from it. You have to be on top of things 24/7, 365 days a year, and there’s nowhere to hide from it. With burnout, the attention life with T1D demands becomes too much. You don’t feel like taking care of yourself, and you really just want to ignore your diabetes and pretend it doesn’t exist.

You might be dealing with burnout if:

  • You feel like Diabetes is controlling your life.
  • You feel angry a lot of the time about having to deal with Diabetes.
  • You feel overwhelmed by life with Diabetes.
  • You’re avoiding parts of your care, like seeing your endocrinologist, testing your blood sugar often enough, etc.
  • You’ve stopped really caring about your blood sugars.
  • You feel alone with your Diabetes and like no one understands.
  • You worry about the consequences of ignoring parts of your care, but you’re too unmotivated to make a change.
  • You feel like you want to give up.
  • You feel stressed out and like nothing you do ends up being right.
  • You don’t want to think about Diabetes, even for a second.

Does this sound like you? Well, you’re not alone. Did you know that the vast majority of people with Type 1, or caregivers of Type 1, deal with burnout at some point?

So to anyone going through Diabetes burnout, the first thing I want to tell you is not to be ashamed. This doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means you’ve had to be strong for a long time and you’re tired. It says nothing about your character, because anybody dealing with something that is in the background of EVERYTHING you do will grow tired and frustrated with it. Also, I’m proud of you. Why, you ask? Because this isn’t something that’s easy to go through. And even though it might be painful, day by day, you’re making it through. You are a fighter whether you like it or not. Your bad days are not signs of weakness. Those are actually the days where you’re fighting your hardest. Know that you will get through this period of struggle, even though it might be hard. People with Type 1 are forced to learn to be strong. But I also believe that they are innately born with a certain strength. So when you feel your weakest, and you feel like you’re at your wit’s end, know that it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to allow yourself to feel all the feelings that might come your way. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to lean on the people around you. We all need a break sometimes. But also know that that fighting spirit will remain somewhere inside you. And when you’re ready, you will bounce back, and come back with even more tenacity than before.