Life With Diabetes Is a Seesaw

You’re on a seesaw. And somehow, you have to keep it straight. All. The. Time. Let it go too far one way, and you’re facing your own mortality. Let it go too far the other way, and you’re staring death in the eyes. But there’s a catch. You can’t get off the seesaw. You’re glued to the seesaw. Even if you get exhausted from the energy it’s taking to keep it straight and you feel like you can’t do it anymore, you can’t get off the seesaw. This is life with Type 1 Diabetes.

Above we’ve got a picture of two items; the two life-savers of Type 1 Diabetes. Each of these items is crucial in surviving Type 1 Diabetes. Blood sugar too high? Insulin. Blood sugar too low? Sugar/Carbs. And if we didn’t have either? Well then we wouldn’t be here to tell you about it!

Imagine each of these on a scale trying to balance each other out. That’s pretty much a day in the life of diabetes. Life is constantly trying to regulate your blood sugar with these two things. And there is no science to it. Because your blood sugar WILL go too high. It’s inevitable. And when it does, you need to give yourself some insulin. Insulin is liquid gold to us because before the invention of insulin, Type 1 Diabetes was a death sentence. Juice or other sugary things, aren’t as hard to come by. But! Are essentially equally as important. Because it’s impossible to calculate the right dose of insulin all the time. Sometimes there is no science to it, no rhyme or reason, and no matter how hard you try to give the perfect amount, it’s not possible. So if you don’t give the right amount one of two things happen. One being, your blood sugar goes low because you gave yourself too much. Second being, your blood sugar stays high or goes high because you didn’t give yourself enough. And at that point, you go back to the drawing board- insulin or juice.

So we use insulin and carbs to try to balance our seesaw. And it takes perseverance! Because there is no way to avoid getting tired of trying to maintain this balance... even the strongest of the strong would get tired! And this balance is impossible to perfectly maintain. It’s tiring and it’s exhausting, but people with Type 1 don’t have a choice. We are seesaw masters. It’s a talent, really. So be proud of your seesaw. Your seesaw is beautifully imperfect, but so much blood, sweat, and tears have gone into your seesaw. Your seesaw is built on strength.

Vial Safe Insulin Protectors

A few weeks ago I posted on my Instagram about a broken bottle of Lantus. I talked about how I’ve dropped my insulin bottles so many times and they’ve never broken on our wood floor, but that day I wasn’t so lucky. I knocked over my case with my insulin and syringes in it and my Lantus rolled off the table onto the floor. I picked it up and put it back in my case like I usually do. Until I realized that the whole kitchen was starting to smell like insulin. Low and behold my bottle was broken! After that I said that I think the feeling of breaking an insulin bottle is the diabetic adult equivalent of dropping your ice cream on the floor as a child. Or losing a balloon.

So after I posted about it, I got an influx of comments... where a slew of people were telling me the exact same thing; that I needed to get a Vial Safe ! I was obviously late to a party I didn’t know about. But I was a bit skeptical. I wasn’t sure how an insulin bottle cover could be so exciting?


This past Monday my Vial Safe came in the mail. They were super easy to put on, and they came in different sizes for my Humalog and my Lantus! They came just in time, because I was headed on a trip. So I got to test them out while traveling, and I can safely say I fell in love. For more reasons than it’s purpose which is no more broken bottles! One of which is that I love the grip it gives me when I’m filling my syringes. I didn’t even realize how slippy and slidy it felt until I filled it with one of these on. Game changer.

 

I highly recommend Vial Safe, just like all the people who felt compelled to recommend it to me! Why even risk the possibility of breaking a bottle of life-saving liquid gold? No thank you!

If you’re so inclined to grab one for yourself, you can find them HERE. Use the code Michelle20 to save 20%.

The Very Real Fear of Lows

Low-phobia
[lo-fo-bee-uh]
noun
1. An excessive fear of low blood sugars in a person with diabetes. This may cause them to do questionable things to avoid letting their blood sugar go low.
Example: Michelle’s blood sugar was perfect before going to bed, but her low-phobia kicked in so she ate unnecessarily to raise her blood sugar.

Okay, I admit it. My name is Michelle and I’m a low-phobic. I have an uncontrollable fear of my blood sugar being low. Why, you ask? Well, like most phobias, it doesn’t always have a clear answer. Could it be because I hate the shaky feeling I get as my blood sugar starts to dip? That I can’t stand the weakness I feel when my numbers teeter down? I don’t know. But for some reason, when I see my numbers trending down, I automatically feel the need to correct it. Even if admittedly, it might not really need correcting. At all. So I say ‘oops’. Over and over again... and never quite learn my lesson.

So what are some things I do because of my fear of going low? Well, I don’t go to bed unless my blood sugar is over a certain number. I run my blood sugars higher than average on purpose so that I don’t come close to going low. If the worst happens, and my blood sugar does go low, I eat just about everything in sight. I don’t have it in me to eat 15 fast-acting carbs and then wait 15 minutes and “wait and see” if it went up enough like we’re supposed to. Nope. If it was in edible and in sight 5 minutes ago, it is now in my stomach.

And sometimes this is where a rollercoaster begins. A yo-yo, so to speak. Because I overtreated my low, my blood sugar goes really high. So I frantically give myself insulin to fix the damage and bring it down. But then... I start teetering toward that uncomfortable level again that is just a little too low for my liking. So I think to myself that I better eat something to prevent it from really going low again. But alas... I didn’t need to eat anything. And high my blood sugar goes once again.

So that is the day in the life of someone with a word I’ve completely made up, ‘low-phobia’.

Do you relate to this? Do you suffer from low-phobia? What are your tricks to fight the fear? I’d love to hear.

To Anyone Going Through Diabetes Burnout...

 

What is “diabetes burnout”? Burnout is something that occurs when you feel like you just don’t have it in you to do all the little things that diabetes requires to take care of yourself. We have to remember, Diabetes is an all-encompassing illness. It affects every part of every day and there are consequences if you get distracted from it. You have to be on top of things 24/7, 365 days a year, and there’s nowhere to hide from it. With burnout, the attention life with T1D demands becomes too much. You don’t feel like taking care of yourself, and you really just want to ignore your diabetes and pretend it doesn’t exist.

You might be dealing with burnout if:

• You feel like Diabetes is controlling your life.
• You feel angry a lot of the time about having to deal with Diabetes.
• You feel overwhelmed by life with Diabetes.
• You’re avoiding parts of your care, like seeing your endocrinologist, testing your blood sugar often enough, etc.
• You’ve stopped really caring about your blood sugars.
• You feel alone with your Diabetes and like no one understands.
• You worry about the consequences of ignoring parts of your care, but you’re too unmotivated to make a change.
• You feel like you want to give up.
• You feel stressed out and like nothing you do ends up being right.
• You don’t want to think about Diabetes, even for a second.

Does this sound like you? Well, you’re not alone. Did you know that the vast majority of people with Type 1, or caregivers of Type 1, deal with burnout at some point?


So to anyone going through Diabetes burnout, the first thing I want to tell you is not to be ashamed. This doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means you’ve had to be strong for a long time and you’re tired. It says nothing about your character, because anybody dealing with something that is in the background of EVERYTHING you do will grow tired and frustrated with it. Also, I’m proud of you. Why, you ask? Because this isn’t something that’s easy to go through. And even though it might be painful, day by day, you’re making it through. You are a fighter whether you like it or not. Your bad days are not signs of weakness. Those are actually the days where you’re fighting your hardest. Know that you will get through this period of struggle, even though it might be hard. People with Type 1 are forced to learn to be strong. But I also believe that they are innately born with a certain strength. So when you feel your weakest, and you feel like you’re at your wit’s end, know that it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to allow yourself to feel all the feelings that might come your way. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to lean on the people around you. We all need a break sometimes. But also know that that fighting spirit will remain somewhere inside you. And when you’re ready, you will bounce back, and come back with even more tenacity than before.

Tips For T1D in High School

Old picture from my high school

My Type 1 diagnosis came in my first semester of high school. No time to settle in. It was early October and I just learning what high school was all about.

The day I was diagnosed, my parents bought me my first cell phone. Not as a gift or a reward or anything. But because they knew that if I went out with friends I’d need to be able to reach them in case of an emergency. But I didn’t really care why I got the phone... I was just excited to get it. It kind of distracted me from the horrid thing that had just happened.

But again, it was the beginning of high school. I think everyone just wants to fit in at that time in life and that’s okay and makes perfect sense. But as such, I hid my diabetes. I did anything I could not to draw attention to myself. I went into a bathroom stall to test my blood. If I went low I’d secretly shove something down my throat, sometimes hiding behind my locker. I felt ashamed of my disease. Not only did I feel different, but I had such a fear of the stigma that comes with diabetes. I worried that people would think I did this to myself, that I ate too much sugar.


1- Don’t hide and don’t be ashamed.

You have every right to walk around just like every single other student in that school. You’re no different. You just have an obstacle that you’re overcoming everyday. And that makes you pretty awesome.


2- Talk with your teachers when the semester starts.

Let your teachers know about Type 1, and the things you might have to do during class. Let them know that your blood sugar might go low, and that you might have to have some glucose tabs, or other food. Or that you might need to leave the class because of that. Let them know that you might have devices beep during class, and maybe ask them not to call it out when it happens if you don’t want to be pointed out. Let them know what to do in an unlikely emergency too. Better to be safe!


3- Listen to your body.

If you feel yourself going low or high, don’t tell yourself anything like “Oh, I’ll just wait until class is over.” You don’t have to! If you’ve let your teacher know that you may need to be excused from the class, go do what you need to do to take care of yourself!


4- Have snacks available.

Don’t get stuck in a situation where you’re low and have nothing on you to bring your blood sugar up. My suggestions would be to always have something in your pocket, like glucose tabs or gummies, and to also have your locker loaded with snacks. Especially juice boxes!


5- Remember that you have power.

Sometimes you might feel like Type 1 has all the power over your life. But the truth is, is that Type 1 Diabetes is a bump. But you are the mountain. It doesn’t change who you are, and please, please, try to remember that. Don’t pretend it isn’t there, but know that it doesn’t change anything. You are a high schooler, you are the things you love. You just happen to have an illness that has probably made your stronger than most of your peers. You’ve got this.

Diabetes Awareness Month 2018

Photography by Talya Shai

This is the month where many of us in the Type 1 community inundate our Facebook friends, our Instagram and Twitter followers, and our blog readers with information about Type 1 Diabetes.

And some people might get annoyed with us. But you know what? That’s too bad, because the world is so full of false information about Type 1 that every single person who is telling the world the truth makes a difference. Or at least that’s what I believe.

Diabetes isn’t a “sexy” disease, as people would say. Nope. It’s stigmatized with much of the world thinking we gave it to ourselves by eating too much sugar, that it’s a “fat person” disease, and many more misconceptions that are incredibly damaging to Type 1s.

Explaining to the world that this disease can hit anyone, at every time, is important. People need to know that it can happen to your parents, your friends, your siblings, or yourself. And though it’s commonly diagnosed in children, it’s diagnosed in adults too! It happens to athletes, lawyers, tiny children, and your everyday person. It doesn’t matter your size, your shape, your weight, your age... it can come and hit anyone like a freight train. Because it’s an autoimmune disease and unfortunately there’s nothing to do to stop it and there’s no cure. This is why we fight so hard and make so much noise.

So, to my fellow T1Ds, here’s to making a ton of noise this month! May the awareness begin!

A Love Letter to Anyone Who’s Struggling Today

Hey struggling soul.

I want to tell you a secret. You are so much stronger than you think you are. Do you remember the last day that you felt this way? When you felt like you couldn’t take this anymore, or that you were just so tired of living life like this? You made it through that day. And  there’s proof that you can make it through this day too.

Whether you’re fighting your body, or your mind... or maybe both, you woke up this morning. Though you may not have a choice and these circumstances have chosen you, you are facing them head on. And you might feel like they’re overwhelming you, or like you’re not strong enough to handle them. But you will look back on days like this and be so proud of the way you surprised yourself. Just like you’ve surprised yourself before. Again and again.

It’s not fair that that life has dealt you this deal. It’s not. There’s nothing that makes it okay. But I hope you know you deserve to be proud. Because you go through things that other people couldn’t handle. You don’t even realize all the little achievements you’ve attained. Every single day, from getting up, to forcing yourself to bathe or shower, to pushing through the pain, and fighting for your life.

And though some days you might feel like you’re losing, the mere fact that you are pushing through is a little win. You are braver than you think. More of a fighter than you think. More fearless than you think. And no one knows. It’s a pretty silent battle. No one knows the little things you overcome in one day. 24 hours. Maybe today you felt pain all over your body. But you still made it through. Maybe today your mind was a mess. But you still made it through. Maybe today you were just tired. Exhausted. You felt like you had the life sucked out of you. But still, here you are, another day that YOU won over what’s trying to take over.

Please don’t underestimate yourself. It might feel like the score is 0 for you, and 1 for life, but you are so much more than you think you are. You have power over the pain the world has caused you. And you deserve every single ounce of that power, because you fought for it. And you continue to fight for it every single day.

So in case no one has told you lately.... I’m proud of you.