6 Things Not to Say to Someone with a Mental Illness and Alternatives

 This week (October 2nd-8th) is Mental Illness Awareness Week. Here are some things you probably shouldn't say to someone struggling with a mental illness, and some alternatives instead. 

1. “Just try to be positive. Positivity is key.” I can assure you that the large majority of people who suffer from a mental illness, whether it be depression, anxiety, or a mood disorder, have tried to look on the bright side. They have tried to be positive and think happy thoughts. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work that way. Usually, thinking positively cannot beat a chemical imbalance in your brain. The thing is, is that mental illness is just that… an illness. It is not a frame of mind. It is not a negative attitude that can be fixed with some ‘kumbaya’. It is a true chemical imbalance that is no fault of their own. Telling them to be positive is kind of like telling them they’re being negative. That is the last thing someone fighting a mental illness needs to hear.  They’re doing the best they can.

2. “Just get off of your antidepressant/birth control pill/whatever crap you’re taking and you’ll feel so much better” This is a problem for multiple reasons. The first being that everyone is different. While an antidepressant might not have worked for you, and may have made your situation worse, that same antidepressant can be lifesaving and life changing for someone else. While a birth control pill may have contributed to your depression and caused you other problems, that same pill may be saving another woman from the horrid delusions she gets around that time of month. Maybe you ditched your antidepressants and became one with nature and everything became great. And we’re happy for you, seriously. But if some of us decide to go off our antidepressant, it might not end in the same great way it did for you. It may end up with a trip to the emergency room. Some of us need these medications to function, and to stay alive. The second problem with this, is that by telling people they should get off their medication, you’re making them feel ashamed for needing their medication. You’re making them feel like they’re doing something wrong by being on one of those medications. And they need to know that they’re not in the wrong at all and that they deserve to use whatever tools they can to fight this. They also need to know that taking medication does not make them weak.

3. “Yeah I’ve had similar problems, I just didn’t let them control me.” If you had similar problems and were able to just not let them control you, then your problems probably aren’t so similar. Because that’s the thing about mental illness. It does try to control you. It wraps onto your every thought, your every movement, your every breath. It affects every day, every relationship, and every word that comes out of your mouth. Recovering from mental illness is not as simple as just not letting it control you. If it was like that, most people would be in recovery. People with mental illness are not just allowing their illness to control them. They are not choosing to be taken down by this monster. They have no choice, but they’re doing their best to get through every day.

4. “There are children starving in Africa, think about how good you have it.”  Yes... Yes…  They are aware of the children starving in Africa. It hurts them deeply that children are starving, and they are very grateful that they have a roof over their head and a full pantry. However, that does not magically take away their debilitating mental illness. It also makes them feel like their suffering is invalid, and that they don’t have a right to be struggling.

5. “Have you tried exercise, or eating healthier?” Yes, it is true that exercise or healthy eating won’t make things worse. Mental illness or no mental illness, living a healthy lifestyle is always a good idea. However, this isn’t what someone who is suffering deeply wants to hear from a supportive friend. While I’m sure this suggestion comes from good intentions, when someone is on the brink of suicide, exercise is not going to fix that, and hearing that suggestion might make them feel like you think their problem is trivial. It also might make them blame themselves, for not being active enough or being a healthy eater.

6. “You seem great, are you cured?” Firstly, mental illness has no cure, and it is something that will likely always linger in the background, no matter how far into recovery a person is. A person may be doing great, but for example, someone with Bipolar disorder will always have Bipolar disorder.  They might be in a great place where they have a lot of control over their illness and it’s not such a factor for them at the moment, but it isn’t something that will ever completely go away.  Secondly, people with mental illness tend to get pretty good at a little thing called acting. Someone can be a complete wreck at home and put on a complete mask when they go outside. You never know what is happening behind closed doors.

Instead try these…

1.“I’m here for you.” Just a simple ‘I’m here for you’, to let them know that you care, and that they aren’t alone, can mean a million words. Let them know you aren’t going anywhere.

2. “Is there anything I can do?” The answer will usually be no but you never know. Maybe they want some company, or someone to come to their errands with them. Just offering the knowledge that you’re willing to help is helpful in itself.

3. “You mean so much to me.” It is so easy to feel isolated and worthless when dealing with a mental illness. Telling a friend how much they mean to you can really put a smile on their face, because sometimes they forget.

4. “It’s not your fault.” Remind them that they aren’t choosing to feel this way. Remind them that mental illness is a real, and ugly monster and that they’re a badass for living with it every day.

5. “That is so crappy.” Just letting them know that you sympathize with them and validating what they’re feeling can make a difference. Let them know they aren’t overreacting and what they’re going through is really difficult.

6. “You are brave.” Remind them what a badass they are for living every day with this illness.  They may not have a choice, but they are still here, and you are grateful you get to have them in your life.

Think Twice Before Making That Diabetes Joke

I decided to do a little experiment. I went to the mall and asked strangers a question; “When I say the word ‘diabetes’, what is the first thing that pops into your mind?”. I got varied responses, but about half of the answers of the large group of people I asked fell into the stigma. What is the stigma, you ask? The stigma is that people with diabetes are overweight, that people with diabetes ate too much sugar, and that people with diabetes need to diet. If we look at the things written down in the picture above, you’ll see about half of them appear to have a decent understanding. Yes, Diabetes is an illness and a disease. Yes, for many it does involve needles. Some people thought of a family member who was affected. A couple of people even knew that there was more than one type of Diabetes. So where does the problem come in? About half the responses said “Sugar”. Most disturbingly, upon further discussion I learned that this was literally all the knowledge some people had about diabetes. All they told me they could think of was obesity, and sugar.

I'm sure you've seen it before on social media. There's a picture of an indulgent desert and you click on the comments. "DIABETES", someone said. You're reading someone's Facebook status and it reads "If John had 20 candy bars, then Joe gave him 2, what does he have now? Diabetes. John has diabetes." Again, you click on the comments to see that they're full of "LOLs", "HAHAHAs", and praise for the hilarious joke that was told. The only thing is... it's not hilarious. It's horribly offensive.

Diabetes is not a candy bar. Diabetes is a devastating disease that can happen to anyone. It doesn't matter if you have the healthiest diet on the planet and exercise multiple times a week. It doesn't matter if you're a professional athlete. Diabetes can happen to anyone and it will change a life forever.

There are multiple types of Diabetes, and none of them are okay to poke fun at. Type 1, which I have, is an autoimmune disease where the body attacks the insulin producing cells in the pancreas, leaving the body with no insulin production. There is no cure. Type 2 is a condition in which the body doesn't produce enough insulin, or the body doesn't use the insulin it makes properly. Yes, extra weight can be a risk factor for this, however many other things can be as well and you'll find plenty of Type 2s that are not overweight. This is where genes come into play, and that is not something anyone can control.

Life with diabetes is waking up at 3 AM shaking with a low blood sugar, stumbling to the kitchen and trying to grab something to treat it before you pass out. Life with diabetes is giving yourself injections, sometimes 10 times a day, or wearing an insulin pump. It is constantly working to make sure your blood sugar doesn't go too low or too high. It is trying to prevent the devastating complications that can occur if you don't take care of yourself properly. It is a full time job where one little slip up can cost you your life.

When you make jokes about this disease, you are adding to the stigma, which is already so widespread that correcting the world's view on it is like moving a mountain. When you make jokes about it, you are trivializing the battle of children who cry at night because they don't want to get another injection. And they're going to have to repeat this for the rest of their lives, until there's a cure.

So this is my plea to think twice before making a diabetes joke. This is my plea to educate people who do only know the stigmatized version of diabetes. This is my plea to make the lives of people with diabetes a little easier to deal with and a little easier for the world to understand.

My Genteel, My Review

Genteel was kind enough to send me one of their lancers to review. This was especially exciting for me because I have been curious about the Genteel for a while now and have hemmed and hawed many times over buying it. My friend Mary who uses it raved about it and urged me to try it. So what is this Genteel I’m talking about?

The Genteel is a lancing device that was created with the intention to draw a perfect drop of blood with no pain. It has these cool contact tips that draw blood from shallow lance site so the lancet doesn’t reach the pain nerves. It has a vacuum tube that actually helps draw out the blood. It can also be used to test pretty much anywhere on your body… How cool is that? It comes in a variety of colors, and I chose pink to match my meter case.

When my Genteel arrived, I was eager to try it and set it up right away. The process of setting it up was incredibly easy and in a few minutes I was ready to try it out. I also have to note that it comes with adorable stickers to decorate it with. The first time I used it, I was shocked. It was actually pain free. I didn’t even feel it, and it drew the perfect amount of blood for my test strips. I had previously watched multiple videos of kids saying it didn’t hurt at all. I even watched videos of parents testing their children’s blood sugar while they were sleeping, and they didn’t budge. But for some reason, it was so hard for me to believe that it could actually be pain free. I mean, the lancet is still going into your skin! But I tell you, those kids were not lying in their videos! It really is virtually painless, like some sort of magic.

The second day using it, I began to have a problem with it which I learned was a common issue, but easily fixed. I wasn’t getting enough blood for my test strips. I do have to note that my test strips do tend to require more blood than your average test strip. I e-mailed Genteel and asked for advice. They told me to switch to the next contact tip, which is yellow. The lancet penetrates slightly deeper. I was told that choosing your contact tip is finding a balance between comfort and drawing the right amount of blood. I was also told that if I found the yellow contact tip too painful, I should switch back to the blue and try either warming up the area first by rubbing it with my other hand for a couple of seconds, or I could try doing a slight pumping motion while the vacuum was activated. Those tips worked perfectly for me! Especially doing the pumping motion. I have finally settled on the yellow contact tip, which I don’t find painful.  I also have to note that the customer care at Genteel was very impressive.

One of the biggest appeals of the Genteel to me was the idea of giving my fingers a break. My poor finger. I had the tendency to test on one single finger all the time, and it was in pretty bad shape. The idea of being able to test in other places was such a cool concept to me. I have been using my palm, and my finger has gotten a well-deserved break and is beginning to heal! 

When I was hemming and hawing over whether or not to get the Genteel, part of it was because you have to hold it in place for 4-8 seconds, and I thought that time was too long for me. I’m a generally impatient person, and I didn’t like that idea, even though I thought it was great for kids. But a good point was brought up to me. When I test with my usual lancer, I poke again and again and it definitely takes 4-8 seconds or LONGER to squeeze the blood out. So really, it takes the same amount of time! I realize now it was a silly worry of mine, because I don’t find I have to use any patience while using my Genteel.

All in all, I’m very happy with my Genteel and I think it’ll be a long time before I use a regular lancer again. I highly recommend it to anyone who has trouble with the pain of testing or with worn out fingertips.

Use my discount code 'Big15' to get 15$ off at checkout :)

My Self-Esteem Battle and Learning to Love Yourself

I hated myself. Plain and simple. I really did hate myself. There were many things I hated, but a large portion of those things were related to my body. And I’m not talking about the malfunctioning of it. I’m talking about the outside.

Over my years of being mostly stuck in the house and immobile, I gained weight. That combined with my thyroid put me at the highest weight I’d been at in my entire life. My self-esteem was awful to start off, so after gaining the weight, it was a wreck. I felt so awful about myself and felt like everyone could see every pinch of fat on my body. My doctor told me I should lose a little weight. A very close family member told me I wasn’t my ideal weight, and it was so painful. Because I spent every moment of every day working hard at trying to accept myself and my body and feel decent. And it was hard work. I really worked hard to love my body as it was, even if my BMI classified me as overweight and I felt there was nothing I could do about it.

Because of a medication I started, my appetite was diminished and my stomach issues were slightly worsened. I lost 15 pounds in the last month. And I finally found my confidence. But something about that feels wrong to me. I wish I could have found it within myself to love my body even with the extra weight, and I almost feel like I failed when I finally gained some confidence only after losing weight.

When I say my self-esteem problem was severe, I mean it. I love clothes and I love shopping. Yet I would go into fitting room after fitting room with a ton of clothes and come out and buy none of them because I felt disgusting in every single thing. This was a problem to the point where I didn’t own enough clothes and wore the same thing over and over again because there were only one or two items of clothing that I didn’t feel horrible in. This problem with my body really did start overtaking my life. I could not stop thinking about it. I was never diagnosed with any type of eating disorder, but I did do the occasional rebellious thing to try and lose weight, yet nothing seemed to work. So deep down I knew that I had to find acceptance. I remember saving a picture on Pinterest saying something along the lines of, “We think cats are cute no matter what size they are so why can’t we think the same about humans?”. I tried to think about that quote when I felt myself obsessing over my weight. But really, to no avail.

So right now I’m in a place where I’m happy with my body on most days. And I wish so badly I could have gotten to that point before having lost the weight. I am grateful that my self-esteem has improved, but I wish I could have achieved that without my physical appearance changing.

Self-love is so important and for many so difficult to achieve. So if you have achieved it, congratulations! That’s an amazing thing and a hard thing to maintain in today’s society, so you’ve done an incredible job. If you have not achieved self-love, keep going for it. Try and see yourself the way someone who loves you sees you. Some people say self-esteem is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. So some people say to fake it until you make it. I didn’t quite get there but I did feel it beginning to work at times. You are perfect the way you are. You are a creature of the earth and you deserve to feel peace just like every other living being on the planet. Do you have a friend that hates themselves, but you think they are the most beautiful thing and you wish they saw themselves the way you see them? If you struggle with self-esteem, you are likely that friend to someone. Please don’t give up on trying to love yourself. I'm not going to give up.

Xo Michelle

Quotes That I'm Feeling At This Moment in My Life

I'm a self-professed quote junkie. I love reading quotes and I could probably look at them all day. When I'm struggling, I often look at quotes to help center myself. 

My life has been changing quite a bit lately. While Tori was here she taught me to meditate and I've been doing it every day. I've been in a peaceful place for the majority of every day. 

So I decided that today I'd share a few quotes with you (all credit to Pinterest) that have either inspired with me or resonated with me this week. I may make this a weekly thing. Because that is something that I don't know if you would enjoy, but I would definitely enjoy. 

Hope one or two of these resonated with you! 

Xo Michelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

To the Person Feeling Guilty for Venting About Their Illness

In the chronic illness community, I see it again and again: people having a little vent about their current situation who feel horribly guilty for complaining. I want to tell them something.

You are fighting a hard battle every single day. You have the right to complain. If having a little vent on Instagram or Facebook makes you feel even a tiny bit better, go for it. If ranting to someone close to you feels good, then do it. Pain is relative and everyone feels every situation differently. No one has a right to judge your pain. Life with chronic illness is anything but easy. And truth be told, most of the time, you probably don’t voice even a quarter of the pain you’re actually feeling.

You may be worried that someone will think you’re an attention-seeker or a negative person. I’m going to tell you a rule that I have personally chosen to live by: If someone has a negative or mean response to your true, raw suffering, they are definitely not worth knowing or having in your life. The people who are worth your time and feelings won’t judge. They will support you. They will love you. They will care. They will know that you only complain when things get really bad. They will know that we’re only seeing a blip in time of the real struggle you are going through.

So to the person feeling guilty for complaining, I see you. I see you going through absolute hell and handling it with grace. I see you making the best of things. I see you trying your best. I see you doing everything you can. I see your pain. But I also see your courage.

You are going through something that many could not handle. You keep on going every day even though it might hurt. You are fierce. So please, don’t feel weak for speaking your feelings. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you real, and it makes you strong. You deserve to be heard.

Xo Michelle 

Summer Favorites 2016

I was going to make a ‘July favorites’ last month, but I decided I’d give myself another month using these products to give a better review. Then ‘August favorites’ time came around and I didn’t get around to it in time. So we will just call this one ‘Summer Favorites’, and I’ll share some new products of mine that I’ve been loving this summer.

Beauty Favorites

Tarte Tartlette In Bloom Palette 

I’m not good at eyeshadow. This is just a fact that I live with. Maybe one day I’ll magically improve, but to be honest that day seems far away. Throughout all the past palettes that have been trending (Naked Palettes, Too Faced Chocolate bar, etc.) I was always tempted to purchase one, but never did because eyeshadow was not something I knew how to do. Then one day this summer I was about to run out of time to use a coupon I had at Sephora for a free makeover. I didn’t have an event to go to, but decided to book an appointment just so I could try out some new products. This Tarte palette was the one the makeup artist chose to use on me. I asked for her to do something simple and easy that I could replicate and she could teach me as she applied it. I’d never been crazy about eyeshadow on myself, but I truly loved what she did on me that day, so I purchased the palette. And I have been crazy about it. First of all, it smells amazing. Like Vanilla? Or chocolate? I can’t really tell, but it doesn’t matter, because it’s just a great smell. I tend to stick with a few shades (smarty pants for the crease, flower child for the lid, and charmer under the brow) because I’m such a beginner that starting simple is a good idea. But I’ve been really, truly enjoying it. The colors in this palette are beautiful. It’s easily blendable which is all I wanted in a shadow. And it doesn’t hurt that the packaging is cute. 

Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz in Soft Brown

For quite a long time I was using Anastasia Brow Powder Duo, and in that free makeup session I did at Sephora that I was talking about earlier, she used the Brow Wiz on me and I instantly understood all the hype I’d heard about it. It just makes my brows look clean which I like. To other people looking at me it wouldn’t look like a big difference, but I just prefer this tool over the powder I used to use.

Living Proof No Frizz Humidity Shield 

With my hair loss and breakage, I find that it is always looking kind of messy. So when I saw this travel sized bottle from Living Proof I decided to try the tester on my way out of Sephora. And it seemed like magic. One spray and just patting the frizz down and it was all gone and looked smoother than it had in ages. So I bought it and have not regretted it since.

L’Oreal Voluminous False Fiber Lashes Mascara

With my issues with hair loss, my eyelashes have always felt like a problem area for me, so I’m kind of always on the hunt for a magical mascara that would make a huge difference. Last time I was in Wal-Mart I walked by the L’Oreal section and saw the False Fiber Lashes. I remembered using that mascara toward the end of high school and loving it and repurchasing it over and over again. To be honest, I don’t remember why I stopped using it at all. But I decided to try it again, and I really love it. I won’t go as far as to say that it’s magic, but it’s pretty close. I really love what it does to my eyelashes. They look full and long with this mascara and stay looking full and long throughout the day. I strongly approve and you should definitely check it out if you have short, sparse eyelashes.

Non-Beauty Favorites

S’well Bottle 

Tori generously, kindly, and unnecessarily, bought me a S’well bottle as a gift after her stay here. Now what is a S’well bottle you ask? These bottles were launched in 2010 with a mission to rid the world of plastic bottles. The best part? They claim to keep cold drinks cold for 24 hours and hot drinks hot for 12 hours. And it WORKS. My cold bottle was left in the car for 3 hours with the sun beating down on it in sweltering weather. We came back to the car and did the test... Was it still cold? And it passed the test with flying colors. The water inside was still freezing, which seemed absolutely impossible. It was definitely some kind of sorcery. I haven’t tested out the hot drinks yet, but so far, I am in love with this thing. Not to mention it comes in a variety of beautiful colors and patterns. Tori got me mine from the Satin Collection in Monaco Blue and it is such a pretty color. I’ve definitely been enjoying my S’well bottle. Thank you Tori!

Breathe App

I decided to include a meditation app that I’ve been using almost daily. This app is simple to use and great for beginners who want to start meditating. You can check in by choosing the emotions you’re feeling when you begin, and then the app suggests 3 or 4 different guided meditations for you that you can choose from based on how you’re feeling. They’re not long meditations so they’re fairly easy to do, and I always feel so much more relaxed, grounded, and closer to the earth, after meditating.  

David’s Tea

I tried David’s Tea for the first time recently and have actually been enjoying it. I am not a tea person. Nor am I a coffee person. So I decided that I’d see if I could acquire a taste for tea, and it seems like it’s working. My favorite flavors so far have been Carribean Crush, Mango Madness, and the Me to We tea they have right now with the proceeds going to getting clean water for a developing community in Kenya. It tastes like fruit punch and I love it. People with Type 1, most teas have at most 10 calories and at most 3 carbs! Life is good for us over here! 


Xo, Michelle