Friday, January 13, 2017

Remembering My Grandmother

A year ago today, my grandmother’s battle with cancer ended. In the past days I’ve kept thinking that I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel on this day. I mean, I mourn and miss her every day, and this day is no different. I will hug my build-a-bear that we made together, along with my cousins, and remember the heart she kissed and put in it. I’ll remember that she told us to hug the bear when we wanted to hug her. I’ll remember her tears while telling the kind ladies in Build-a-Bear what these bears were for. I’ll long for her.

But today, I will celebrate her. I will remember all that she did. Because this lady, was one of the most special people you could have ever met. And I’m not biased! Everyone loved her, and felt their own special connection with her. Before she passed, I got a tattoo in her handwriting from a card she had given me that says “love always”. I felt this was perfect because I always said I want to be like her when I was older. And what I meant by that was the fact that she always chose to see the best in everyone, no matter who it was. She treated strangers like best friends. We used to laugh at her for it, and she’d laugh too, but in reality, it was one of her best traits. She never spoke badly of anyone. How rare is that these days? She was happiness. If I could describe my grandmother in one word, it would be happiness. And that’s not to say that she didn’t have her fair share of heartache and pain in life, but her soul and her energy was something so special that you just couldn’t help but feel happy when you were with her. She loved people. She also loved her alone time playing poker on Facebook, but she loved people. She understood people.And she loved HARD. And that is my life goal, to love as hard as she did, and to try to see the best in everyone.

I did get a few traits of hers handed down to me. One specific thing we had in common was being a people pleaser. She always wanted everyone to be happy, and hated when there was any conflict. If someone she loved was hurting about something, she would worry about it endlessly. And yes, this is highly stressful at times, because we all know it’s impossible for everyone to be happy all the time. But I still like that trait, because it came from her, and she’s my ultimate role model.

So, my garlic loving, poker playing, wine drinking, snuggle cherishing grandmother, I am so lucky to have you watching over me. I am so lucky to have your blood running through my veins. I am so lucky that I have Jess, Becca, Matthew and David because of you. I am so lucky to have someone so magical to look up to.

Channeling the Lion King, "He lives in you, he lives in me

He watches over everything we see

Into the waters, into the truth

In your reflection, he lives in you" ☀️

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